I used to sit naked in mom's basement, slathered in Vicks Vapo Rub tinted orange from Cheetoh dust, furiously masturbating to old issues of Popular Mechanics and Boy's Life magazines. Then I discovered EVE. I learned I was not alone. There were others just like me in their own basements.
Sadly, they all seemed to speak Russian.
ALL RANSOMS and PERSONAL AGREEMENTS honored. No exceptions.